Thoughts
by Kayna
Summary: Gohan's thoughts after the battle with Cell.


This is just a little something I wrote at 2 A.M.... What can I say? I got bored... Anyway, it's mostly Gohan's thoughts after the whole battle against Cell... It's not that long, so enjoy reading it. If you get a chance, take a look at the other story I'm writing, it's called, "Deathmiko." It's much longer than this little thing. Oh! And Review!  
  
- Kayna  
  
Disclaimer: Well, ever since those dubbed versions came out, who would want to own DBZ? Well, I don't own them...  
  
  
Arms tensed,  
Sweat dripping.  
The screams of my friends,  
My heart skipping.  
  
Why did I wait?  
You told me to win.  
You must be ashamed now,  
To have me as your kin.  
  
I was ready to strike,  
My fists were curled.  
Yet he took us by surprise,  
And now you're left to save the world.  
  
What a prodigious task,  
For a boy my age.  
You knew this,  
Yet you still put me on stage.  
  
Now I am left wondering why?  
Only a boy of eleven.  
And I feel it is my fault,  
You now wait for us all in heaven.  
  
  
I saw you waving to me, that same smile on your lips, as you have always possessed. You've always had the courage to do anything needed to save the world you love. I wondered now how you could even love me anymore, I had waited to long. I jumped forward to try to grab hold of you, bring you back within my embrace, back into my heart, but you faded away. All that was left of you was the calm breeze that now floated past my tear-soaked cheeks. I listened to the whistle of the wind for a moment before piercing the silence with my blood-curdling scream of your name.  
  
I awoke in bed, sitting up straight as my gaze flew about the walls of my room. I was in my home, but you were still gone, still dead and waiting for me up above. My gaze dropped to the blankets as a sigh passed through my lips.  
  
"No..." The word rolled off my tongue, piercing like thorns as it turned. My eyes stung with the tears still held within them, I refused to let them go yet. I kept waiting for you, waiting for you to appear from the dark confinements of my room, but you never came. You left me alone; you left our family alone.  
  
Now I am left wondering why...  
  
Nights upon nights I've had nothing but relentless nightmares, ripping at my heart and biting at my soul. I could have won when I had the chance, but the power I had possessed at the time was too strong. It was too radical to allow me to have any rational thought. All I could think of was winning... Killing that monster in the most painful way possible.   
  
Only a boy of eleven...  
  
I pushed the sheets away from my sweat-soaked form, moving out of the bed before I began to pace the length of my room. Night after night I kept asking myself why you had to do this to me. You had to let me fight with Cell by myself and I was only eleven! I never thought it would have ended up like this, with me left to take care of mom. We could have brought you back to Earth, but you refused.  
  
And now you're left to save the world...  
  
Everyone thought it was quite the noble thing to do, but I couldn't stand it. As much as I tried to smile and stay calm, I was being ripped apart inside. My father was torn away from me and I was still a young boy. Now I had to care for the family, I wasn't ready for this and yet you forced it upon me like you forced the fight with Cell upon me...  
  
And I feel it is my fault...  
  
I walked over to the tiny case on my shelf and opened it up, taking a seat on my bed as I held the dagger's hilt in my left hand. I watched the light flicker along the blade, the lovely blade that could bring me back to you. I so longed to be taken away from this torment that raged in me, and death is the only way out that I've found.  
  
You now wait for us all in heaven...  
  
The burning in my eyes ceased as the tears finally made their way down my cheeks. I had to wait for my family's sake, I had to put up with the pain of knowing you're not around.  
  
I set the dagger back into its box before lying back down in my bed, pulling the covers over my form once more. I looked out of my window to the dim, moonless sky, allowing my mind to wander.  
  
Someday I will see you again, father. Someday I will join you in heaven... But for now I'm forced to wait, forced to float around in this endless abyss of suffering I've bestowed upon myself. I still have to protect the Earth and my friends... Like father like son, right?  



End file.
